The call to "Occupy Wall Street" has lead to the spread of occupations throughout the so-called "real" world. Now word has reached us that it has begun to spread in the world of fantasy as well. Reliable sources have informed us that all the various peoples of Middle Earth are rising up together -- overcoming millennia of prejudice -- to occupy their lands and drive the various tyrants away.
According to our latest reports, the occupation at Isengard has been a complete success. Saruman, so-called "leader of the Istari" and (former) absolute monarch of this realm, has been driven out. The realm is now occupied by the tree-like green warriors known as ents along with a few hobbits. As they clean up the environmental devastation wreaked on the region, they also enjoy the vast stores of fine feed and drink along with a huge stash of so-called "pipeweed" (this latter, all for medicinal purposes, I am sure.
In the meantime, in Mordor, there has been a surprising turn of events. No one expected Sauron, one of Middle Earth's most powerful and harsh dictators, to ever face any real challenge. Claiming to own the "Ring of Power," he seemed to have all the orcs, trolls and similar peoples of Middle Earth at his beck and call. But, according to stories that have leaked out, a daring creature from the Shire managed to find his way into Mordor and made the following rabble-rousing speech. "Sauron claims he has the ring of power, but the only real ring of power is the one of fear and moralism that we lock around our own thoughts and actions, keeping us chained to obedience! Let's take that ring now and through it into the abyss of Mount Doom... The doom that is of every ruler! Their rule depends on our obedience, and this is the only ring of power they hold!" Whether the tale of this courageous, rabble-rousing hobbit are true or not, what is certain is that the formerly servile orcs, trolls, etc. have risen up and have Sauron and his military chiefs of staff, the Nazgul, holed up in Barad-dur. The insurgents are demanding that the dictator and his henchman come out and face the consequences of their long years of tyranny. Our correspondent got a chance to speak to one of the insurgent orcs, Ghrackhshpittle Grokhrakh: "A lot of people think that we actually agreed with what these (an untranslatable Orc-ian obscenity that seems to involve someone doing something to their own mother that is physiologically impossible for human beings), but most of us were drafted, and those that weren't just hoped to get some training they could use after their term of service was over. But I know when I heard that little guy speak, we had to break out of the magic ring with which Sauron had fooled us. That fu*ker is coming down, and he knows it!" Our correspondent asked Mr. Grokhrakh about the rumors that some leftist party hack had been trying to worm his way into the movement. "Oh, yeah, that two-faced little sneak with the speech impediment: 'Gollum! Gollum! You need my precious party! Give me the ring of power! My precious! Gollum!' Like we were gonna fall for that! He went down with the so-called ring... We don't need no parties or politicos, thank you very much!"
Rumor has that in Gondor, left liberals, led by a fellow named Aragorn, have actually seized power. Aragorn was rumored to have helped the rabble-rousing hobbit into Mordor, but his current message hardly matches that of the hobbit. "The problem is not with rings of power," Aragorn is rumored to have said in a recent speech, "it is with how they are wielded. In benevolent, liberal, progressive hands, they may be useful tools for making society more equal, and for holding power itself in check." Though Aragorn's persuasive charismatic charm held the growth of an occupations movement in Gondor in check for awhile, in recent days, rumors from Isengard and Mordor have sparked a more critical attitude and the cries "Occupy Minas Tirith! Occupy Gondor! Destroy all the rings!" have risen, and camps are forming outside the walls of Minas Tirith. Aragorn is reported to have said, "I am sympathetic with the occupiers, but order must be upheld. I will do what is necessary." Mr. Gamgee, a hobbit at the occupation site told our correspondant: "He says he'll do what's necessary. Well, so will we. We will rid Middle Earth of all tyrants, even the benevolent leftists. We aren't infants. It's time we took our lives and our worlds into out own hands. And that's what we're doing." Curious about the racism that used to be rampant in Middle Earth, our correspondent asked Mr. Gamgee: "So what do you think of all the orcs an trolls getting involved in these occupations?" Mr. Gamgee replied: "I used to be as racist as anyone, but when you really rise up for yourself, you can see that others doing the same are just individuals fighting to take back their lives. I'm with anyone and everyone who is doing that. The only people to watch out for are sneaky party hacks and leftist control freaks who want to impose their rule and create a new ring of power to rein in the insurgence--like Smeagol, aka Gollum, who tried to coopt the occupation movement in Mordor. And he was apparently a hobbit!"
Anyway, it is good to know that not only are there occupation movements in the fantasy world, but they seem to be well ahead of the one here.
